Love is patient, Love is kind.

We had our "last" class on Thursday. The deacon asked the class, "what is love?" I felt brave and delusional from hunger, so I raised my hand first. I can not remember exactly what I said, but I know it went something like this:

"Love is completely unconditional. It is a hundred percent me, and a hundred percent him(thanks laura) and if one of us gives any less than that, our relationship will tumble over. We have been through a lot already in the time we have been together, things that would break even the strongest of people down and apart. We have a son (MAN YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE HEADS SNAP AROUND, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO START DODGING ROLLING NOGGIN'S), and that too has tested us. Despite what the beliefs of the church are, I believe that god sent our son to us as a blessing and I know he is our guardian angel, and I cannot be convinced otherwise. He has truly been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to us. He made us grow up and re-evaluate our lives and what was really important. The things that could have broke us, made us stronger. If I fall, I know he will be there to catch me. The bad times have made the good times so much more amazing."

Then he asked me how long we have been married.

I have has this recurring dream, the details and situations vary but the plot line is always the same. In the dreams, I am always put in a position that asks me whether or not I want to stay with Bill or leave him. In the dreams, when I think about my future without him- all I see and feel is emptiness. I always choose him. It isn't that I am that dependent on him that I cannot breathe without him, but he fulfills me and my life and I know I would be less of "me" without him. The comfort I feel with him is not because I take his presence for granted, but that his puzzle pieces fit mine. We haven't had to force them to go in or cut and tape pieces to make them fit, like we do so often with so many people we are with. We argue and we become impatient with one another- I think there are fewer mornings before work that we do than don't, and no- it isn't always rainbows and butterflies and sometimes the only intimacy we can stay awake for is a good night kiss, but isn't that life? Isn't life not just accepting things because they are what they are and you have no choice, but rather owning and cherishing every facet because it is all yours and you own them and they define you? It has taken me so long to understand what is important, what the difference between want and need is, and what really fulfills me at days end. you can't just walk away when the water gets cold. You can't just say or assume it is over because something happens, and throw your hands up in the air and say, "oh well, we tried, good luck!" You have to stick it out and keep treading no matter how tired you get and no matter how hard you are shivering. And, when you finally find a piece of ply wood to climb onto and the sun finally comes out- that warmth burns every bad feeling out of your soul. That warmth is worth every teeth chattering experience.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." - 1 John 4:7-8 (NIV) I guess that is why love is so hard to capture in a definition.