Month 13

Dear Jack,

I was originally going to talk about your new obsession with playing 64 pick-up with the crayon box - not my favorite game- how you love to nest in your father's golf ball collection, and even how you have grown so attached to the lady at daycare that it makes my heart ache. Instead I have decided to talk about something happening right now that you will possibly read about in school when you are older- but like so many things I learned about in history classes, not truly appreciate the true intensity and fearfulness surrounding the situation.

Our country has been lending money to people to buy houses, cars, businesses, and to take out credit cards with large amounts of spending room. This is of course fine, however, a lot of people in this world are motivated by one thing: to impress their neighbors, friends, family, and even strangers with all of the extravagences they own. The problem is, these neighbors, friends, family, and strangers do not pay the balances that these people have open. There is a cliche that my grandmother said to me and I am sure I will say to you "eat with your stomach and not with your eyes"- just because that cupcake looks good, doesn't mean it should go on your plate. Over the last decade or so, people have been seeing everything they want but not thinking about what they can actually handle. Over time, these people realize that they can not afford the extravagences they wanted and eventually default on all of those open balances. The problem is, that the banks have already paid out this money to the car companies, stores, brokers, etc and now this money is an open debt. Those open debts have accumulated over time and have slowly brought the country we live in into a dire economic situation. People who have invested money over the last 30 years into their retirement accounts now do not have enought to retire on. Banks are closing, companies are closing, people are losing their jobs, and the price of food and gas has gone up tremendously. It is a scary time, and there is a definite uncertainty to our very near future. A lot of people are scared, myself included, that things will get too out of control and the economy will go into a recession.
You are probably wondering why I am telling you this, why this even matters to you right now. All you care about is where your next oreo is coming from. But, the thing is that sometimes there will not be oreos. Sometimes there might only be crackers, and you'll kick and scream and you'll tell us how much you want an oreo right this second and how horrible we are as parents for not giving you that oreo. And it will not be that we do not want to give you an oreo and that we are going out of our way to be cruel parents because we get out kicks out of watching you scream and writhe on the floor. One day there may be oreos every week, but until your father and I can get to that point financially- sometimes there will not be enough money for oreos because we will need milk instead or because you need to go to the doctor. You have to make sacrifices to survive.

I used to think money grew on trees- that it was so easily attainable and so was anything else I wanted. Unfortunately, it isn't and even if you are able to get all of those out of your league things that you want-you'll only have it temporarily- and things will eventually catch up with you and you will find yourself in a horrible predicament. And, no matter how much money we do make, there is still a good chance you'll find yourself still writhing on the floor screaming because we wouldnt buy you a new toy that you absolutely needed because everyone else has it and you dont.
If you learn anything growing up, I hope you learn to have an appreciation for what you do have and not obsess over what you do not have. There is not a rush to buy a house, a brand new car, to have a closet full of name brand clothing, or to have the most high tech gadgets available. Let things happen when they are supposed to and never put yourself in a situation that makes things financially tight if they do not have to be. Pay your rent and your other bills before you go out to dinner with your friends or before you buy that new television that your friend has. Always have something saved just in case, and do not live off or depend on credit cards.
Don't let your eyes get away with what your gut doesn't feel it is ready to handle.

Love,
Mommy

Bar Fights

Apparently, Jack sneaks out at daycare and goes to the local Conway bars to hang out with his buddies. Yesterday, his friend Frank started making comments about how hot his mom is. This offended Jack- he does't appreciate people calling his mom hot in front of him, so Jack did what any one year old would do and punched Frank in the face. All of the sudden, the whole bar broke out into a giant brawl, and Jack was left with some battle wounds.

I think Jack should use that story instead of telling his friends he tripped and fell into the pink plastic pool at daycare. It sounds a lot more bad ass.

Twenty Four Candles

I have to admit, after my 21st birthday, birthdays themselves started to become normal days. Today, however, was actually pretty wonderful.

We dropped off the endeavor for the paint job today, and we needed a rental car because we had things that needed done and only having one car would have made doing them impossible. When enterprise came with the rental car, I almost peed myself when I saw what it was. She must have known it was my birthday, because I got to drive around all day in this:



Apparently, there was a high demand for ford focuses or hyundai accents, because the "Jag" was the car they decided to bring for me. SO exciting. I learned two things while driving it today:

1) Nice cars make driving fun again

2) Bill and I will not have nice cars until our children are out of the house. I wouldnt let Jack drink his milk while he was in the car. Well, correction, I would not let Jack throw his milk around the car. I refuse to have really nice things right now, because I refuse to be paranoid 24/7 and worrying if Jack will spill something on it or lick it or do whatever else he does to things.

On top of the sweet ride, there were also other birthday perks. The wind last night knocked out the power at work, and so we didnt do anything all day and I left at 2pm. Sweet. Then my mom made dinner and cake for us and got us a new camera (which we REALLY needed) and my husband got me flowers and chocolate...and it was just a really good day.

It felt really great to have a birthday that was extraordinary. However, now I have high-expectations...I mean next year I have to at least be able to drive a porsche :)

Don't buy a Mitsubishi

About a month ago, Bill and I put a claim into Mitsubishi to fix the paint job on our car. From 55k miles, the paint started to deteriorate, and it has since been spreading like a cancer all over the car. The car looks horrible, like it was taken to the Sun and put there to bake for a year. Not only is it embarrassing to drive around in, because it looks like we do not take care of it but it is also getting down to the primer in a lot of spots and that could cause structural problems down the line.

Today, we found out that the dealer will pay $2k, and we would have to take care of the rest. The cheapest quote was $2942, but the rep from the dealership got them to go down to $2500, so we would "only" have to pay the remaining $500. Thank goodness I have the money left over that I had put away in case it needed work during inspection. I am happy that they said they would do it, but I am also still peeved. They act they are doing us a favor- "good will" is the term they used. Apparently, they need new dictionarys, because favors are things you do for people when the problem they have is NOT your fault. We didn't destroy the paint, Mitsubishi didn't do their job. If you research on the internet, you will find thousands of people with the same problem as us. In fact, when we had made the claim there was another car in the lot parked right next to us with the same problem!!!! But, they are doing us a favor.

Oh well, at least it will look nice again.

I also called to try and extend the warranty on the car. They want a $400 down payment and then $186 a month for four years. Sigh, I know that it would be worse if that car would break down in 20 thousand miles and need a new engine, but I also do not have an extra $400 plus an extra $200/month to even put myself in a safer position. This is so discouraging. The car already has 90K on it ( i know i know...thats A LOT for an 04), but it was our only car for a year and a half, and add a trip from florida and a couple back and forth to Johnsonburg, and it added up. It isn't even like we go on road trips, we just used it for basic traveling to and from work and the grocery store and stuff. It won't even be paid off until 2013. Sometimes I wish someone would hit it hard enough to total it without Jack being in the car and without anyone getting hurt. I dont care if it breaks down the day after it is paid off, I just hope and PRAY that it doesnt need any major work until then.

I enjoy being in one piece.

I am all about gas conservation, but there comes a point when safety out weighs more miles per gallon. I wonder if people who buy little itty bitty cars consider the other very large and not itty bitty cars on the road.

That is why this:



Is why you will you never see me in this:

Random Musing

It used to take me forever to pack. Honestly- at least two hours, and that was just for my clothing. Last night, I packed for this weekends football game and I think it took me all of 15 mins- if that. I dont think it is because I don't "care" about what I look like, because I certainly do. I think after Jack was born and now that I am married, I am less concerned with going out of my way to make an effort. I used to bring 30 outfits for a 7 day trip, because I didnt know what I might want to wear. When I went on vacation with my family in July, I packed one outfit for everyday, a couple of beach shorts, a couple t shirts for running or bed, and the undies. I began to realize it isn't exactly what you wear, it is how you wear it. If I feel just as good after spending only 15 minutes getting ready as I did when I spent 2 hours getting ready, than that is all that matters. Not to mention, I have to have all of that spare time getting the baby ready. In fact HE is the one I bring 30 outfits for. Then you need bottles and cups and toys and snacks and diapers and wipes and medicine and extra juice...and that is just to go to Target for some milk.

Anyway, back on track. I am afraid that I will become TOO lazy with myself. That one day I won't even bother to fold the clothes I put in a suit case. Who cares if I look like I just stepped off a 18 hour plane ride!

So many people seem to "let themselves go" when they get married and start having kids. It's like all of the sudden, now that you have children to get ready you can't take five minutes to put on some lip gloss and nice sweater. And, what is even worse, is that it is pitied:

"Who dressed her this morning, her blind cat? Oh, nevermind she's married and a mother. poor thing, i'm surprised she put her bra on this morning."

I'm really not sure where I am going with this.

I want my husband to be married to the person he first met, and not just a frumpy shell of what once was. I am happy that I have become simpler, but I do not want to lose some of the things that made me ME. It shouldn't feel selfish to work out, buy a new outfit that wasn't made by hanes-her-way one in a while, and have 5 mins to put on some make-up...even if it is just going to Target to pick up milk.

I don't know what to think.

Today, I was talking about people that are currently pregnant with the person I was with.

me: I want to have another baby

person: But you hardly have time for the one you have.

ouch? the person tried to explain that what they meant to say was that wasn't it too soon because jack is still so young. But, that's a completely different statement and the damage was already done.

I drove home crying. I do the best I can. I never though I would be a working mother. Maybe I shouldn't have more children. Maybe it is selfish. I know that I probably will never be able to be a stay at home mom, so why have another child that goes to daycare five days a week? who only sees their mother in the morning, evening, and weekends...and holidays. And, during tax season? Well, what mother? I work 6 days a week during that time and some days I am not home until 8 or 9.

It isn't like the thought never crossed my mind before it was said by someone else. I try and spend the time I am not working with Jack, but sometimes I need a break. Maybe I am not the best mother I should be. I don't know. I guess I won't know until my son decides whether or not he needs therapy.