Today, I was talking about people that are currently pregnant with the person I was with.
me: I want to have another baby
person: But you hardly have time for the one you have.
ouch? the person tried to explain that what they meant to say was that wasn't it too soon because jack is still so young. But, that's a completely different statement and the damage was already done.
I drove home crying. I do the best I can. I never though I would be a working mother. Maybe I shouldn't have more children. Maybe it is selfish. I know that I probably will never be able to be a stay at home mom, so why have another child that goes to daycare five days a week? who only sees their mother in the morning, evening, and weekends...and holidays. And, during tax season? Well, what mother? I work 6 days a week during that time and some days I am not home until 8 or 9.
It isn't like the thought never crossed my mind before it was said by someone else. I try and spend the time I am not working with Jack, but sometimes I need a break. Maybe I am not the best mother I should be. I don't know. I guess I won't know until my son decides whether or not he needs therapy.
Monday, September 1, 2008
I don't know what to think.
Posted by Momma Bird at 7:00 PM
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2 comments:
I just thought I'd give you a word of encouragement. You shouldn't feel badly about needing to work right now to help support your family. It's a great thing that you are doing, working so hard outside and inside your home. It is a VERY unselfish thing for you to give of yourself for the good of your family. And, who knows... maybe some day down the road you will get to have the luxury of deciding to keep working because you enjoy it and not because you need to work or you can decide to stop working. No one knows what God has in store for our futures and if you truly desire to be at home He is going to give you the desires of your heart. From everything I know about you and Bill and from reading your blogs I think you are doing an awesome job being parents to Jack! If you decide to have another baby I know you'll do just as well.
Jenna, I think the same things all the time! Especially when I think one day I might have a third and by then my other two would probably be done with the daycare thing, so why would I do it again?! It is hard to be working and wondering if maybe you should be at home or something horrible is going to happen. But seriously, think about it. Plenty of kids grow up attending daycare/babysitters and they grow up just fine and happy and know their parents love them. I think it would be a TRAGEDY for Jack not to have a sibling to grow up with...think of it that way. He needs to be a brother someday. And I think for the majority of people, if we waited until we could "afford" to stay home, well then I guess we could have a child at 50. The fact that you question and wonder if you are doing a good job says it all---you do! Or you wouldn't care if you didn't. Hold your head up high, be proud you take good care of Jack and know that one day you will give him a brother or sister (or 2!) to bond with!!! :)
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