Excuse me doctor,...

About a month ago, I started noticing that my ability to deal with my emotions was diminishing. Out of nowhere, I would suddenly start to feel extremely anxious but not know why. I honestly felt like the only thing that would help me feel better would be to crawl underneath the bed and curl-up into a ball, because I did not know how to deal with what I was feeling.

About 2 weeks ago, every so often I would feel a panging sensation around the left side of my chest (heart area to be exact). In the last two weeks that sensation has become more constant, and now even if I do not feel a pang, I still feel the sensation that is was once there and will be coming back.

Yesterday, as I was driving Jack to daycare and as he screamed in a ridiculously high pitched tone that made me look in my rear view mirror to make sure packs of dogs were not following me, the pain got worse and my left hand felt tingly. I went to the doctor and told him how I felt. I told him that I have a ten month old son, just got married, I work full time, and I am in school. I told him I used to suffer from an eating disorder and that I still secretly obsess about my weight...not to the point I do what I used to do but to the point that I freak out of about the pounds. I told him that lately I want to calm down but that I cant, no matter how much I want to calm down my body will not. I maintain a pretty calm attitude on the outside, but that I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. He ran an EKG and an oxygen test. When everything came back ok, he decided that I had a strain of the stomach virus that my son had just had and that my lungs were probably just inflamed. I thanked him and left, but when I began to drive I began to cry. It IS NOT inflamed lungs...Maybe he forgot that people have TWO lungs and that if that was what I had I would feel it ALL OVER my chest and in the back. I also think he forgot that you HAVE TO HAVE A COLD to get the inflammation in the chest but also forgot I told him that I have not had a cold in a while. He decided it was not stress because he went to medical school and I didnt. Except he also forgot that he is not the one who feels like this-who feels like their heart is going to explode at any minute.

I do not want anti-depressants or anything like that, because I know I am not depressed. I just need something to calm me down during those times when I want to but physically can't. I want to be calm inside and be able to function normally and not be so ridiculously tired all of the time. I just need something to help me help myself.