Month 19

Dear Jack,

Here we are- month 19- let's hope we all survive to see month 20. Who every coined the term "terrible twos" needed to include a footnote that said "and if by a year and a half you already find yourself wanting to play in traffic and cradling a bottle of kahlua as your cry yourself to sleep every night, substitute the word 'twos' with 'terribles'". It is like I have two children already. There is Jack, my fun loving goofball baby who loves to cuddle with his mommy and daddy and run and play and smile and pet bunnies and eat his dinner without a fight and go to bed without ripping off an arm. And, then there is Jack's twin brother Bert who's response to EVERYTHING is "No", who hits people in the face without any particular reason, who kicks the floor and screams and throws things when he does not get his way and refuses to go to sleep or eat his dinner and likes to torment bunnies for fun. Ok, maybe he doesn't like to torment bunnies, but he doesn't like to pet them. We try spanking sometimes, but usually that just results in you LAUGHING at us like this is all some big game we are playing. I personally prefer a rousing game of softball- but that's just me. So instead of spanking all of the time, we are trying "time-out". Time-out is the highchair that you do not use anymore because it is the only thing that will confine you in one place for two minutes. I am not sure if it is working, but, by golly we sure are making the effort.

I can not speak for him, but I am sure your father's brain and pysche are just as fried as mine. Just the other day, while I trying to get you to stop emptying my underwear drawer for the eighth time in a row, I became so frustrated that I yelled something I never thought I would ever YELL as a mother. "DO YOU WANT JELLY BEANS OR NOT?!?!?!?!" Your father laughed and asked, "Did you just yell at him, 'do you want jelly beans'". I did...I did. And, since I cannot have alcohol right now, I usually try and numb my twitching body with some watermelon sour patch kids or fruity tootsie rolls after you do to bed. My new gym membership will be coming out of your allowance.

I suppose it isnt all just fighting to get you to take your coat off when we get home every evening. There are just as many laughs and applauses. And, I realized this month just how much you really do love me and want me around. I had to go on an audit and was gone off and on for four days. Ever since I came back you have been my little shadow. Any time I leave or you even think I am leaving, you cry hysterically and crunch your hands for me to bring you with me. In fact, now when I drop you off at daycare I have to trick your attention away from me so I can leave, but I find out that you still cry hysterically for an hour after you realize I am gone. It is heartbreaking and yet in some sick twisted way- comforting. You have been in daycare since you were six weeks old, and one of my fears was that you would always want them more than me. There have been days when you have not wanted to leave there and have kicked and screamed all the way to the car and I told myself that you were just having too much fun- as I choked back tears. But, now, knowing that our time together is THAT important to you and that you do need me and want me and really miss me makes me realize that I must have done something right.That there is a bond between you and I stronger than even I could have ever imagined or ever hoped for.

Love,

Mommy